#BeShameless

I've mentioned that the Mixed Girl Tag on YouTube has played a big part in my Major Research Paper (thesis), so I thought I'd talk about one of the YouTubers whose videos have been part of my research.  Her name is Shameless Maya, and she's a mixed-race vlogger whose videos are such a source of inspiration for me in my personal life and academic career!  For more about her, check out these videos:

I could spend forever talking about how Maya's videos showcase the strength and resilience of women of colour, specifically mixed-race women, but I'll leave for the analysis portion of my MRP.  However I will make a blogpost (or maybe even a video!) discussing it, so look out for that!

 What I really want to talk about is the concept of being "Shameless" and what that means to me.  In my Mixed Girl Tag post, I hinted at struggling with my identity growing up.  Part of that struggle also included a struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence, which I'm still working on even as a young adult.  However the more I watch Maya's videos, the more I realize that this whole concept of being shameless is exactly what I need.

It's so easy to go with the flow in life, and sometimes that's not a bad thing.  But one of the reasons why I started this "Defiant Dougla" blog is so that I remind myself to take charge and go against the flow when needed.  Being laid back and open to what life has to offer is great, but sometimes I need to reach out and take what I want, rather than waiting for opportunities to come my way.  Being defiant involves living shamelessly and fearlessly, and not being afraid to put myself out there for the world to see!

It's easy for me to say that I want to live shamelessly and fearlessly now that my blog is not popular or getting a lot of views.  It's going to get a lot harder when I start verbalizing these thoughts in real life, and letting the people around me know that I want to live more confidently.  I don't think people will try to hold me back, but I do think that it will be so difficult for me to go against my grain and live openly and defiantly when I haven't been doing so all along.

But that's the thing ... going with the flow is no longer working for me.  I no longer want the things that life brings my way, I want to make my own path and find my own way.  This will involve going outside of my comfort zone and trying some really "out there" things.  But I'm 22 now, and I'm not getting younger ... and getting older is kind of scary!  I want to live my life to the fullest because I'm really begnning to realize that there is so much out there that I want to experience, and it's time that I enjoyed my life.  Now that my academic career is winding down, I have no excuse to sit around and let opportunities pass me by.

Being shameless to me means to be defiant, to stand out, to go out and take the life that I know I was meant to have.  It means to live life without fear or worry about what others have to think or say about my life.  If people have time to criticize my actions (and I'm not referring to constructive criticism, but negative comments designed to bring me down), this means that they're wasting their time and their lives, and they're not going out there and living fearlessly.  And if you're not willing to embark on this journey, why do I care what you think?  I need to start living for myself, and not to please others.  This doesn't mean being disrepsectful to friends and family ... but it does mean putting my needs before other people's desires for my life.

This post is getting long so I think I will end off here.  If you have any comments or questions leave them in the comment section below!

Shamelessly and Defiantly yours,

Jenell