Have the Crappy Day.

Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Disclaimer: This is a long post.  I contemplated splitting it up, but I feel like that would ruin the momentum.  But if you're a reader who is struggling with a mental health challenge, I recommend that you give this a read.  

Sometimes I get so caught up in being defiant that I forget that struggle and fear is just a part of life.  Let me give you some context.  A while ago I made a post talking about my desire to be a "Strong Woman" growing up, and expressed some difficulty with the whole concept.  (You can read it by clicking here).  I have spent 22 and 1/2 years of my life really trying to be this strong, amazing, defiant woman, but, if I'm being honest, those days are kind of rare.  I'd say that more than half of the time, I'm feeling more complicit than defiant.  I also feel a lot of other things, like anxious, scared, nervous about the future, sad, lonely, depressed even ... I have a lot of days where I don't feel great.

I could spin this into a "diamonds are formed through pressure" speech but today I will spare you the motivational mumbo-jumbo.  Today, I will tell you that struggles are real, struggles suck, and you really just need to accept that.

I know that may not be what you want to hear.  But trust me, you get used to them.  No, they don't get easier, you'll still feel like you got hit by a ton of bricks the next time your emotions knock you down, but accept it.  Embrace it even.

Because truth be told, you can't always change your circumstances.  Sometimes you just have to work through whatever you're dealing with before things get better, and that's okay.  Grief? Loss? Fear and uncertainty? That's all a part of life and as much as you'd rather bury that six feet under instead of the grandparent you just lost, you will just have to deal.

Also, sometimes your emotions aren't even always tied to circumstances.  Sometimes you're just depressed or just anxious, and you could try as hard as you'd like but that wont change.  And for some people, that's also a part of life.  It's scary and unfair but it's the truth.  And you need to accept that too.

Now, I'm not saying to accept the things you have the power to change.  If you are able to change your circumstances or alter your emotions (SAFELY WITHOUT ILLEGAL DRUGS), then by all means, do it!  Work hard to find your happiness.  I have nothing against that!  What I'm trying to say is, if you've done everything you could to overcome your challenges and nothing has worked (or even if you haven't tried at all), it's okay to struggle.

Please do not beat yourself up for things you have no control over.

Please do not get angry with yourself on those days when you cant get out of bed, even though you know you have to.

Please do not be disappointed with yourself when your anxiety causes you to fail that driving test, perform poorly on that work exam, or stumble through that conversation with that really awesome guy you're into right now.

It's okay if you can't see the glass as half full today, or if your cloud has lost its silver lining.

You are allowed to struggle.  Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.  Do not let people try to cheer you up by stuffing your face with ice cream and helping you throw your money away on cheap clothes/shoes/booze (however a little indulgence can be helpful.  A little.  Don't overdo it.  It only makes things worse).  If you're having a crappy day, HAVE THE CRAPPY DAY.

Most importantly, if you're having a rough time, talk to the right people.  It takes a long time to find the right people, and the right person for someone else may not be the right person for you.  But find the people who will sit with you and listen to you cry, or rage, or shake like a leaf, instead of teaching you to stifle your emotions.  FEEL THE STRUGGLE.  Learn to deal with the struggle.  It's a part of you.  Yeah it sucks but it's a part of you.

Sometimes you don't have to conquer the struggle.  The struggle will never be your friend.  But you may find that if you stop fighting it, and learn to live with it, you can prevent the struggle from conquering you.

The Struggling Dougla.

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