All My Single Ladies!

Wednesday, June 03, 2015

When you come from a traditional family, being single at 22 is just about as fun as driving through a desert at noon without a drop of water in sight.

You get thirsty.

[I'm sorry, that was a bad joke.  I did not mean for that to happen, nor is that true.  I am not thirsty, or desperate (ok maybe a little).  However I laughed at that joke for a solid two minutes, so it's staying :)].

Being a single dougla sucks because quite frankly, getting married was a part of my life plan since I was a little girl.  And when you factor in the fact that I thought 20 was old, well ... the little girl in me is very disappointed with me.  As I'm sure is my mother, who mentions dating and grandchildren on a regular basis.

I got sick and tired of pressuring myself/getting pressured by others to be in a relationship in the next two or three years, so I plugged my ears, went "lalalalala" until I couldn't hear anyone but myself, and then asked the million dollar question: What do I want?

The truth is, I have no clue.  I've dreamed of being in a relationship/getting married for as far back as I can remember, so I can't separate myself from that as a dream for myself.  So, I added to the question: What ELSE do I want?

Now that's an easy one.  In no particular order, my answers are:

  1. To be working full time in the field of social work.
  2. To be published in at least one academic journal.
  3. To be considering the best time to apply to get my butt whipped by a PhD program.
  4. To get my own car.
  5. To be able to afford my own place (even if I didn't want to move out of my parents home).
  6. To travel (Guyana, Brazil, Ghana, Nigeria, England, India, Spain, Italy, France ....)
  7. To speak at a conference about something, ANYTHING!
  8. To conqueror my fear of heights and go skydiving!
  9. To learn to swim.
  10. To learn to ride a bike (don't laugh at me.)
  11. To go ice skating under the stars.
  12. To get in shape and STAY in shape.
  13. To go on a mission trip and help people around the world.
  14. To be making my own bath and body products regularly for friends and family.
  15. To meet new people who share similar interests (AS FRIENDS).
  16. To grow my hair to bra-strap length when curly!
  17. To get laser eye surgery and ditch my glasses for good.
  18. To get a pet (only if number 5 pans out and I'm on my own).
  19. To be happy with myself.
  20. To start creating art again.
I stopped at 20 because I didn't want this to turn into my pouring my heart and soul onto this blog.  Also I'm aware that half of these things may never happen in my lifetime (like learning to ride a bike.  I'd be surprised if that happened).  My point is, I have twenty things that I want to do with my life in the next 5ish years BESIDES meet a man.  So ... why am I going to let that one thing be the sole focus of my attention?  Why am I going to limit myself like that?

Plus, look at how diverse that list is!  I haven't limited myself to just things I could do for a hobby or to pass the time.  I want to be happy with myself!  That's a lifelong achievement!

To all my single ladies out there: Lift yourself up, and do something more than just wait around for a man to come around!  If you're like me and feeling the pressures from friends and family, don't ignore them.  Listen to them because they want good things for you!  But listen to yourself too.  YOU are the one who will have to live with the choices you have made.  Don't let a man be number one on that list girl.  Find your happiness within yourself, and better yourself as a person.  

Make your own "What ELSE" list!  See what else you could be doing instead of/while you're waiting for a man.  Open your mind to the possibility that there is more God (or who/whatever you believe in) has in store for you than a little man with small dreams.  If you aren't meant to end up with a man, ACCEPT IT and move on!  Think BIG!  Dream BIG!  Be defiant!  

Learn to love yourself.  I'm learning right along with you.  That's why I can say with conviction, it's hard.  But so worth it.  Love yourself while you wait for love from someone else.  That way, even if they don't show up, or don't measure up to your expectations when they do, you will always have enough love to go around.

Jenell
The Defiant Dougla Who-Loves-Herself-A-Little-and-Is-Working-On-Loving-Herself-A-Lot


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